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Hey Noopi Family, I’ve missed you. It’s been a while since I’ve written, and I’m excited to get back into the swing of things with you all.
Over the past few months, I have put my personal writing aside as I pushed myself to change my career. The job search process is not for the faint of heart, let me tell you. It has challenged me in many ways, tested my emotional and mental limits, and helped me discover so much about myself.
Full transparency, I feel nervous to share this article with you. It is connected to a topic that comes with vulnerability and the feeling of being exposed. As a result, I have been experiencing a bit of a mental block, and getting the words on the (virtual) page has proven challenging.
Over recent months, feelings of low self-esteem have been coming to the surface. This is not new to me—it’s something I’ve battled all my life. Debunking the stories my mind tells me about who I am and what value I bring to the table has been a significant part of my journey to heal my mental health and learn to love myself for who I am. With each rejection (or as my friends like to say, re-direction) from positions I let myself get excited about, my self-esteem and confidence have dimmed.
Learning that I am not the only one with low self-esteem and confidence has helped me feel less alone with this struggle. Believe it or not, most people, at various times in their lives, have low self-esteem. These other people are who handed me the tools that were at one time handed to them by someone else; tools that helped them persevere through self-doubt and a lack of self-love. This is what I now want to share with you.
Use with caution: If you engage with these tools during times of feeling low, the noise in your head might get quieter, your self-esteem might grow stronger, and you may start to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
So, here are three things that help me, and can help you, to increase your self-esteem and feel more confident in who you are, as you are:
Focus on the positive! Write a gratitude list
The first step in changing the way you feel lies in changing the perspective you have on your life. These days, it is quite common to spend time venting (which, in my opinion, is a fancy way to say “complaining”) about the people, places, and things in our lives. Sometimes, I think that people have lost the ability to recognize the difference between expressing their feelings and venting. When we vent, or complain, we are only focused on what is not going right for us; on what we don’t yet have. Don’t get me wrong, it is a natural part of being human to have wants and needs, but it can be unhelpful, and even sometimes harmful, to spend so much focus on what you don’t have or on what is going wrong. This is not a recipe for happiness or confidence.
Gratitude lists are a great way to see what is going right. We are quite literally writing down, or speaking aloud, all the things we like about ourselves and our lives. It can change our perspective, giving us a moment of internal quiet. If we make it a consistent practice to look at the things we love about ourselves, those moments will become longer-lasting.
Simply write down ten things that you are grateful for each day, you will very quickly start to notice a shift in the way you feel about yourself and your life. And here’s a tip: it will be even more powerful if you share these lists with another person. Maybe they will even share their own lists with you, and you can find connection through that!
Do a good deed (and don’t tell anyone!)
There is a phrase I once heard that I like: build your self-esteem by doing esteemable acts.
What is an esteemable act? It is when you do something kind that benefits the world. This can be from something as small as replacing a roll of toilet paper instead of leaving the cardboard behind, to something big like taking someone who is hurt to the hospital or opening your home to someone who needs a place to stay. When we do good, we feel good. These acts of kindness connect us to the rest of the universe, and that connection is something magical.
Bonus points if you don’t tell another person about your esteemable acts. When we tell someone else, our ego gets a boost of validation from the praise we may receive from others. When we stay quiet and continue doing these little things, our self-esteem and confidence get a boost from within. Trust me, happiness is much more sustainable when it comes from within.
Give yourself some much-needed affirmations
The most direct way to build self-esteem is by telling yourself exactly what you need to hear. Affirmations are a very powerful tool that most people forget to use. Some people don’t believe they work. Others cringe at the idea of telling themselves they are worthy. Whatever your reasons for not trying affirmations, I want to encourage you to set them aside and open your mind to the possibility that just maybe they can work for you, too.
Affirmations come in “I am” statement form. Some examples: I am beautiful, I am kind, I am loved. They can be general statements or get super specific, depending on what you need. Try it out, and share your experience with us on the Noopi Stories page!
Building your self-esteem and growing confidence in who you are comes from taking care of yourself and connecting to the world. My hope in sharing this is that someone else who is struggling can find some relief and start to feel good about themselves. I’ll leave you with this: you are wonderful just as you are, you just have to learn how to believe it for yourself.
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