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The concept of an ‘inner child’ is used often in healing circles, yet it is not always fully understood. Despite what influencers may hint at, an inner child is not simply a child-like part of you. It is much more powerful and important. Your inner child exists within you as a younger version of yourself who has been emotionally stunted by trauma. Essentially, it is your child self frozen in time and trapped in your adult body. It blocks you from living life as your true self. Let’s delve deeper.
Children embody innocence and authenticity. They represent our true selves before life’s experiences shaped us. Our true self is characterized by qualities like playfulness, curiosity, and imagination. It is the part of us that simply wanted to explore the world, and that didn’t give much consideration to judgment from others, much less judgment from internal messages about themselves. Understanding this aspect of ourselves is key when it comes to healing from trauma.
Trauma is another term thrown around, and often misunderstood. It can come from various life events or experiences, some more apparent than others. Often, it can be subtle, flying under the radar or dismissed as a normal part of life. If you’ve encountered situations in which you felt unsafe, and you haven’t addressed them, it’s likely you’ve experienced a trauma. Some examples include more obvious forms like child abuse, neglect, experiencing a natural disaster, and the loss of a loved one. More nuanced examples include losing a friend, being picked on in school, your parents regularly not showing up for your events, being body shamed by someone you trust, consistently experiencing gaslighting, growing up with enmeshment, or being raised by a helicopter parent, can also be the root of trauma. Most people carry unresolved trauma without realizing it. Why is this important?
When we experience trauma as children and don’t process it when it happens, it becomes unexpressed grief that follows us through our lives. At some point in time, we felt unsafe, and nobody had the tools to show up for us and help us feel safe again. Despite what we wish to believe, time does not heal all wounds. The version of ourselves experiencing unhealed trauma becomes emotionally stunted, and we carry them with us, alongside the resulting grief. This interferes with our ability to live authentically as our true selves. This unhealed part of us is our inner child. If you have trauma, you most likely have an inner child. Even though we don’t always know they are there, it doesn’t mean they are dormant. Quite the opposite.
These younger versions of ourselves are completely running the show. They are driving the car, when they should be safely strapped into a carseat in the back row. When an event in the present resembles unexpressed grief of the past, and we don’t look at it, these inner beings go on the offensive. They become sad, scared, and angry because yet again, nobody is showing up to advocate for, and help them. As a result, they might subconsciously push us to react, which can be harmful to ourselves or others. The key to reclaiming our true selves is to show up for our inner child in the way adults weren’t able to show up for us when we were kids experiencing trauma. Sit with them, listen to them, get to know them, and play with them. Make them feel seen, safe, and loved. We have to treat them as if they are a physical child sitting next to us whom we are responsible for.
The following practices give you five ways to forge this connection with your inner child and start on the path to recover your true self. Note: You might initially find these practices unusual or unconventional, as I did when I began my own journey toward healing. I still encourage you to give them a chance nonetheless; they have the potential to provide you with the same benefits they provided for me.
1. Non-Dominant Handwriting
Non-dominant handwriting exercises are a form of journaling. It is exactly what it sounds like: putting pen to paper with our non-dominant hand. So, if you are right handed, write with your left hand, and vice versa. The theory behind this practice is that by writing with our nondominant hand, we are able to access our subconscious, which is where our inner children live. When we access it, we give them the opportunity to communicate with us. Ask your inner child a question with your dominant hand, and let them answer back through your non-dominant hand.
2. Inner Child Guided Meditations
For those of you new to meditation, guided meditations are a great way to get started with this practice because someone talks you through it. Inner Child Guided Meditations do exactly this, but they are aimed at helping you picture your inner children and communicate with them in your mind. Again, as crazy as it sounds, it works for those who give it a real shot. I have personally experienced long conversations, and trips down memory lane with my inner child through these kinds of meditations, both alone and in group sessions.
3. Mirror Work
A significant lesson I learned through my recovery is many times, our inner child just wants to hear they are loved and that nothing bad will happen to them. One way to do this is by looking at yourself in the mirror for a period of time. What will happen at first is you will notice all your flaws: wrinkles, acne, the shape of your eyebrows, the way your hair falls on your left cheek, etc. You will try to make eye contact with yourself, but many of you might find this unexpectedly difficult. Then the magic happens. You start to admire your flaws, and tell yourself nice things. This is the act of giving yourself self-love, and it is exactly what your inner child might be looking for. Through a regular practice of this work, you might notice increased confidence and self-esteem. Crazy, right?
4. Do something creative
At our core, we are creative beings. Unfortunately, as we get older, the spotlight is taken off of creativity and imagination, and we sometimes stray from it. Ask yourself when the last time you did something creative for fun was. You might be surprised to find it was a while ago.
Creativity is a prime characteristic of the true self of every person. So, when we do creative things, it is another way we can connect to our inner child and have fun with them. Go to your local art store and get a watercolor set and some paper, or maybe turn on some music and dance around your room. There are so many ways you can have fun being creative. Don’t overthink it.
5. Rediscover hobbies you loved as a kid, and do them
Many of us throughout life have stopped doing hobbies we used to love. In fact, if you ask an adult what they like to do for fun, many times they won’t know how to respond. When we are living as our true selves and we are connected with our inner children, we are connected back to those parts of ourselves who have hobbies and use their creativity and imagination. You can connect to these parts of yourself by taking time to sit somewhere quiet, without distractions, and make a list of the activities you remember enjoying when you were a little kid. Next, make a commitment to yourself that you will start doing those activities as an adult. The more frequently you do the items from your list, the more connected to your inner child you will become.
Connecting with your inner child is a challenging and transformative process. By adopting these practices, you can unlock doors to help you heal your past, discover your true self, and live authentically, as you did in your childhood.
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